Writing and thinking. Thinking and writing. I am really
struggling with this. I’m feeling the pull of the laptop, the pull to be
drafting the literature review for my proposal. I have read a lot over the
summer. My supervisor recognised this and sent me away to start writing, asking
to see me again in three weeks. We’re coming up to that point.
Why the struggle? It’s a somewhat sunny Sunday morning.
Waking early I think, oh, writing time. Then comes the procrastination. A
podcast while continuing to snooze. A quick game of Clash Royale. Some reading
about a TV show we’re (slowly) binge watching. Finally out of bed. Still early,
everyone else asleep. Coffee and a dilemma.
Where and what to write?
For the past year I have kept a research diary. In a nod to
the ‘Dear diary’, I start each entry with some scene setting, then I write and
see where my thoughts take me. It’s located in the back of my note book. I find
the scene-setting helpful when reading it back, it reminds me of where I was
and what I was thinking at that time.
I haven’t written in it so much recently. I was feeling
overwhelmed by the amount I was writing and the purpose of this time. I also
have a new notebook, smaller this time, with dots rather than lines. Easier to
carry around, but I’m not feeling the love.
So here I am with the laptop, clearly not writing my
literature review, but writing at least. I enjoy writing; I have enjoyed the
physical act of writing with pen and paper, I also enjoy writing on a screen
too. Which is the key issue. When I write with a pen, what I think I write. It
is very verbose, no editing, but I am my own audience. When I type, there is
another audience and the need for editing.
What is it I am finding so hard with getting down to it? I’m
feeling pretty organised. Notes are well organised. Articles safely accessible
in Acrobat reader. The Summons shortcut for speedy access to useful citations.
I have the outline of a structure. I even have about 2500 words, and now as I
write this I am wanting to have a stern word with myself. Yet I can’t really
put my finger on why I am writing this self-indulgent, procrastinating
nonsense, when I could have been usefully thinking about where my research
ideas fit within my field of study.
So there we are. An hour spent thinking and writing about why I am not thinking about
and writing my literature review. The house is awake. Family time and a
swimming gala, back to work tomorrow. The PhD life?
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