flexing my writing muscles

Grow your own writing practice is a very timely post from Patter, as this is the very issue I am grappling with – developing my writing skills.

I’ve been very organised with my EdD-ing, ensuring I set aside regular time to read, and longer chunks of time for writing. I’d always seen the writing ‘part’ linked to the assignments, and this is one of things that had drawn me to the EdD. However, I’ve also kept a journal, this was the section where I would muse over what I was thinking about and at points in the year I’d read it and this helped me keep a handle on where I was and where I’d been. This provided me with reassurances that I was on track. But then I struggled with reading it. It seemed waffly and unhelpful. So I stopped writing in it. This was about the time I was writing assignment three, and since then I’ve struggled with this aspect of writing.

So once again, with the rain cancelling the planned tennis, I find I have a small window before I head into the gym instead.  Coffee is brewed, laptop opened and I am not 100% sure what I’m going to do with this unexpected opportunity. I open my email to find the latest Patter post has popped into my inbox. It’s as good a place as any to start.

The post reminds me that there are many aspects to writing. I cannot limit my writing to assignments or the thesis, or to note-taking and I need to step out of my comfort zone in both these areas. I’m already making some changes with my note-taking which is forcing me to be more disciplined in my thinking. This of course is challenging! I find myself struggling so I procrastinate then I berate myself for not doing the thinking/writing that I should be doing. But I can’t quite put my finger on the kind of writing I should be doing. On I go in unhelpful circles.

I need to snap out of it. Carving out time to work on my writing skills is just as valuable as ensuring I’m working on my lit review.  I need to build routines to include writing notes, summaries and chunks for my supervisor. I will take Patter's advice and ensure I take time out to flex my writing muscles.

writing and thinking: yet more navel gazing procrastination

Writing and thinking. Thinking and writing. I am really struggling with this. I’m feeling the pull of the laptop, the pull to be drafting the literature review for my proposal. I have read a lot over the summer. My supervisor recognised this and sent me away to start writing, asking to see me again in three weeks. We’re coming up to that point.

Why the struggle? It’s a somewhat sunny Sunday morning. Waking early I think, oh, writing time. Then comes the procrastination. A podcast while continuing to snooze. A quick game of Clash Royale. Some reading about a TV show we’re (slowly) binge watching. Finally out of bed. Still early, everyone else asleep. Coffee and a dilemma.

Where and what to write?

For the past year I have kept a research diary. In a nod to the ‘Dear diary’, I start each entry with some scene setting, then I write and see where my thoughts take me. It’s located in the back of my note book. I find the scene-setting helpful when reading it back, it reminds me of where I was and what I was thinking at that time.

I haven’t written in it so much recently. I was feeling overwhelmed by the amount I was writing and the purpose of this time. I also have a new notebook, smaller this time, with dots rather than lines. Easier to carry around, but I’m not feeling the love.

So here I am with the laptop, clearly not writing my literature review, but writing at least. I enjoy writing; I have enjoyed the physical act of writing with pen and paper, I also enjoy writing on a screen too. Which is the key issue. When I write with a pen, what I think I write. It is very verbose, no editing, but I am my own audience. When I type, there is another audience and the need for editing.

What is it I am finding so hard with getting down to it? I’m feeling pretty organised. Notes are well organised. Articles safely accessible in Acrobat reader. The Summons shortcut for speedy access to useful citations. I have the outline of a structure. I even have about 2500 words, and now as I write this I am wanting to have a stern word with myself. Yet I can’t really put my finger on why I am writing this self-indulgent, procrastinating nonsense, when I could have been usefully thinking about where my research ideas fit within my field of study.

So there we are. An hour spent thinking  and writing about why I am not thinking about and writing my literature review. The house is awake. Family time and a swimming gala, back to work tomorrow. The PhD life?

writing and blogging: useful thinking time and procrastination

Memory is a slippery creature. It took until Friday to remember that the beginning of September takes some adjusting to, and it’s not always something we manage well. 2019 is no exception, and being away at a conference at the back end of the first week of term has not helped.

Just one week ago I was feel incredibly positive about the EdD in particular, about work and about the balance in my life. In just one short week, that has gone to pot. On the whole work is good. I have a good timetable, a new course to get my teeth into and I attended a conference on Thursday for a project I’m working on which was a great start to the year. Inspired by being in a room of equally enthusiast FE practitioners talking about their ideas for how they can improve practice & creating research projects so results can be evaluated and shared across the sector.

Home life is a little more challenging, with the re-aligning of roles back from school holidays into term time routines. I am feeling the squeeze here, particularly the squeeze to fit in the EdD. The plan to spend some time writing this weekend has not materialised, but at least this weekend the procrastination has paid off with a clean house.

So I am sat in a sun filled, sparkling living room with every intention of getting down to some writing. But I went to bed last night feeling some tightness in my chest and have woken this morning to full blown cold. Headache, sore throat, chesty. One more memory rushing back, that of the Back to Work Bug. In an attempt to power on through I got out my work from last week, when I was riding the high of my supervisor meeting and her suggestion I started to draft the literature review for my proposal. But my attempt to sketch out a tiny text on this may as well have been written in Chinese, I just cannot get a grasp of what I am wanting to say, or really focus on how to move forward.

So, in a bid to be mildly productive, I am writing this blog, in a hope to kick start my brain.

writing and blogging. useful thinking time or procrastination

Writing and blogging continue to be two things that don't fully come together for me.  I stopped regularly blogging in 2014, cathywint.co.uk sitting quietly untouched, but not silently. Occasionally it gives a little squeak "post something", and so I start to draft something but rarely get around to actually writing it and posting it.

Even now, as I sit overlookng the garden with a cup of tea and chocolate bun, messily baked by two 12 year olds on their last day of the summer holidays, the blank page is staring at me. I tell myself that procrastination is one reason I don't blog. If I have the luxury of time to think and write I should be writing productively, which currently is for my EdD. I'm entering year 2, I have three modules under my belt and I'm so excited by my research idea that I sacrificed my usual summer of fiction for articles on teacher development, EFL and reflective practice. I've met with my supervisor who in just two meetings has been so amazing, helping to steer me through my hodgepodge of thoughts and notes.

When thinking about blogging, having a view of audience is also a struggle. I've taken a step back from social media in my personal life as well as my professional life, occasionally lurking while rarely contributing. I am hyper sensitive to my professional image online and I don't fully understand where this comes from, which makes it impossible to write about. Every time I find myself thinking about a possible blog post I end of arguing with myself about whether I should be blogging or not. This is procrastination at its worst, I don't even get a clean house out of it.

I attended a post-grad session on visual elicitation methods, with a focus on the Pictor technique, tree metaphor, photo elicitation and time lines. We got to try out two methods and I drew this tree in response to the broad question of 'your experience as a post-graduate researcher'.

My drawing surprised me on several levels. I was as surprised by the things I didn't include as I focused on my research topic rather than my broader experiences. I was surprised by the simplistic complexity of the tree and also surprised by how surprised I was. The tree represents how excited I am by my research project as it brings together all the aspects of my practice that I love: action research, technology, ESOL and teacher education. For many many years I have pondered doing a doctorate but never really known what I wanted to research and the joy of the EdD has been that it has given me a year working on the modules to find a research project I can work on for the next four years.

Has this blog post been procrastination or useful writing time. Or something else? The cupckake and tea were very tasty and I've enjoyed the time and space to think and write. I find that when I hand write in my journal I can be a bit waffley as I write and write with no re-drafting. Writing here, I've been much more considered with plenty of re-reading and re-drafting. This is closer to the kind of writing I need to be doing for my proposal, which is what I should be working on now. Yet when I started this, I didn't know that I would end up reflecting on the visual elicitation methods session and looking back at my notes from this I've found some nice ideas I've had for the CELTA course this year. So productive time afterall.