writing and blogging. useful thinking time or procrastination

Writing and blogging continue to be two things that don't fully come together for me.  I stopped regularly blogging in 2014, cathywint.co.uk sitting quietly untouched, but not silently. Occasionally it gives a little squeak "post something", and so I start to draft something but rarely get around to actually writing it and posting it.

Even now, as I sit overlookng the garden with a cup of tea and chocolate bun, messily baked by two 12 year olds on their last day of the summer holidays, the blank page is staring at me. I tell myself that procrastination is one reason I don't blog. If I have the luxury of time to think and write I should be writing productively, which currently is for my EdD. I'm entering year 2, I have three modules under my belt and I'm so excited by my research idea that I sacrificed my usual summer of fiction for articles on teacher development, EFL and reflective practice. I've met with my supervisor who in just two meetings has been so amazing, helping to steer me through my hodgepodge of thoughts and notes.

When thinking about blogging, having a view of audience is also a struggle. I've taken a step back from social media in my personal life as well as my professional life, occasionally lurking while rarely contributing. I am hyper sensitive to my professional image online and I don't fully understand where this comes from, which makes it impossible to write about. Every time I find myself thinking about a possible blog post I end of arguing with myself about whether I should be blogging or not. This is procrastination at its worst, I don't even get a clean house out of it.

I attended a post-grad session on visual elicitation methods, with a focus on the Pictor technique, tree metaphor, photo elicitation and time lines. We got to try out two methods and I drew this tree in response to the broad question of 'your experience as a post-graduate researcher'.

My drawing surprised me on several levels. I was as surprised by the things I didn't include as I focused on my research topic rather than my broader experiences. I was surprised by the simplistic complexity of the tree and also surprised by how surprised I was. The tree represents how excited I am by my research project as it brings together all the aspects of my practice that I love: action research, technology, ESOL and teacher education. For many many years I have pondered doing a doctorate but never really known what I wanted to research and the joy of the EdD has been that it has given me a year working on the modules to find a research project I can work on for the next four years.

Has this blog post been procrastination or useful writing time. Or something else? The cupckake and tea were very tasty and I've enjoyed the time and space to think and write. I find that when I hand write in my journal I can be a bit waffley as I write and write with no re-drafting. Writing here, I've been much more considered with plenty of re-reading and re-drafting. This is closer to the kind of writing I need to be doing for my proposal, which is what I should be working on now. Yet when I started this, I didn't know that I would end up reflecting on the visual elicitation methods session and looking back at my notes from this I've found some nice ideas I've had for the CELTA course this year. So productive time afterall.