Thank you to the ever fabulous @Teachnorthern for asking this question. Here we go.
I
spend quite a lot of time drafting possible blog posts in my head. At
some point during my inner musings I get to the point where I think 'am I
ever going to actually write this'. Then I start musing about why I'm
not writing anymore. I have even had conversations about how many blog
posts I've drafted in my head about why I can't write.
Sitting and
writing. Of course this is the crunch. So let me set the scene. Today
is Thursday. My 'day off'. The sun is shining. I am sitting under a
large umbrella at the picnic table in my garden. I have a cup of coffee
and a current teacake. Breakfast no. 2. Resting under my laptop is a
large piece of paper where I have scribbled some layout ideas on how to
create a wall display at work for my iPad project this year. Next to this is a very very new copy of Further Education and the Twelve Dancing Princesses
which I received yesterday. On the bus home last night I started with
the chapter by the Ever Fabulous @teachnorthern and Jane Weatherby.
In
this chapter Jane says "I always used to think you had to grow cynical
and then grow out of it in order to survive" (p. 68) This once again got
me thinking about why I have become such a reluctant writer. It's not
just that I've not written a post on this blog, but I hardly ever use
Twitter and I certainly don't engage in dialogue there like I used to.
But I know that my Twitter-buddies are still there. I have become a Mini
Lurker. I will occasionally retweet something, but predominantly I lurk
and read.
So I posted about being excited about the book. I think
it is completely amazing that I am reading a publication by people I
know and have lived through what they are saying (so far I've read Lou's
and Rob Peutrell's chapter on Action for ESOL) This started a conversation with Lou with ended with her asking the above question.
I
had no set plans for today other than the usual Take Child To School,
Walk Dog, Potter Around House, Have Lunch With Bloke. While walking
through the wood I once again found myself drafting a post about why I
am not writing & musing about whether I would actual write something
today. The dilemma seems to be thus:
This is my day off. How am I
going to choose to spend my time. Work or non-work related activity? I
don't think this is a straight dichotomy. Some things, such as marking,
definitely sits in the 'work' section. But reading - where does this
sit? I like reading, and I usually have a variety of books on the go.
Currently I am reading a novel, a popular science book on maths
and of course The Dancing Princesses. There are also online reading
activity to consider - have a lurk around Twitter or read the Guardian?
So even in my reading I have work/non-work choices.
This
links to writing. I don't really have any non-work writing activity. So
when I write I am always a little aware that it's 'work'. But I enjoy
writing. I like the clarity I get from 'thinking through my
fingers'. I am always aware of being professional online & the
digital footprint I leave. I have purposefully kept my maiden name at
work but used my married name for social media activity. This was my
attempt to separate my professional online identity from my employment.
I make it very clear in my blog that views are my own, there is no link
at all to the college I work at & I don't promote my blog to my
students.
But of course there is a link to my paid employer. I
use the blog to reflect on my teaching. Once I made a wordle of my blog
and ESOL came out as the most commonly used word. I predominantly wrote
about my ESOL classes rather than my teacher ed classes. But last year I
wrote a reflective post about the highs and lows of teaching a teacher
ed class. I used no names but a student found the post, recognised
themselves and put in a formal complaint to the college.
When
the student first mentioned the post my heart sank. They were clearly
upset but I couldn't remember writing anything. My initial response was
to say that my blogging activity was not related to my college work and
it was not something I would discuss. Following the meeting I went
straight to the office to find the post they was referring to and showed
it to my (then) line manager. I was reassured that there was nothing
untoward and told not don't worry.
But I
did worry. I never meant to cause offense so when I came home I started
to re-draft the post but actually decided it was best to take the whole
thing down. I struggled to know how to deal with the complaint. It was
hard to know if it was best to say the blog was not related to the
college, the college wasn't mentioned, nor was the student named. I had
all sorts of arguments in my head about how unfair this was. I never
never meant to cause offense, I was reflecting on the course and
actually most of the post had been very upbeat and positive. What I did
come to realise is that there is an ethics issue with blog writing. When
undertaking practitioner research my ethics statement makes
it clear that tutors and students involved in the project volunteer to
do so and can withdraw at any time. With blog writing, is there an
ethics issue if students don't know they are being written about - even
if they are anonynised. All the times I reflected on my ESOL teaching,
the chances of my ESOL students reading it were very slim. Through the
Digital Literacies course I ran I didn't blog about the classes as I was
very aware I was delivering to my colleagues and didn't feel
comfortable publicly reflecting about it. As the balance of my teaching
has shifted more into teacher ed and out of ESOL I have less and less
chances to blog.
Following the complaint I
felt like my blog didn't belong to me anymore, it had moved from
something I did to enhance my professional practice to something that
was owned by the college. This pulled my writing activity from a blur
between personal and work activity clearly into 'work'. I also think
that as there has become a greater and greater workload while
'in' work I have started to feel resentful that I spend my valuable personal time on
work related activity - that gets NO acknowledgement at all (but without
I couldn't do my job as well as I do)
I tried to take control of
this by shifting things around on the blog but I had a strong urge to
shut it down. I even asked my husband to do this (his company hosts the
site for me) but he (probably rightly) told me I should leave it and
think on it. And so continue the circular arguments about whether I want
to write or not. Last night I even wondered if I want to start afresh.
Shut this down. Start a new blog.
So back
to my day off. Before leaving to take the dog out I scribbled some ideas
for a wall display onto a large sheet of paper. My rational for this
was that if I got the ideas onto paper before I left I wouldn't spend
the walk thinking about it. Returning from my dog walk I continued to
debate with myself To Write or Not To Write. I busied myself with a bit
of gardening, I pottered around my kitchen & had a bit of a sort
out. I tried to put to the back of my mind how much marking I had to do
& resolved to not do such 'work' work. Definitely not. Reading was
an option - and The Dancing Princesses are singing quietly to me - and
of course writing. Would I write on my practitioner-research blog
(certainly closer to 'work') or write here.
Or create a new blog.
OK, decision made. Lunch time.
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